LoveMeForMe <3



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Its 2.45am and I dont know if its the timing tht caused me to be more vulnerable or maybe its just this story that is so uber touching that when i reached the last part, I rly couldnt stop tears streaming down my face. It just so so touching and kinda heart wrenching because its a situation u confirm do not want to be in. So yeah :(


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

12:40 AM
Yhot legs and water beds
Monday, August 23, 2010

Hmm 3party weekends in a row. Life is awesome when your weekends are packed with fun-filled activities and not with boring ass assignments. However, assignments are pouring in as well so life's not a bed of roses :( Handed up my Understanding Asia assignment last week and as usual I left it to the last min and chiong-ed like crazy. So much for turning over a new leaf huh. But I did start drafting rather early for me just not the completion :( rawrr... Well bday week I got drunk and puked, last week clubbed but didnt get drunk ^.^ and 2 days ago which was saturday we drank again this time at ek's place and justin puked :P heehee mission accomplished!

2:19 PM
Yhot legs and water beds
Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The sky isn't always blue. The sun doesn't always shine. So it's okay to fall apart sometimes.

Such a simple way of letting it out. Yet it so true and the feeling it gives is so strong no? sigh

7:52 PM
Yhot legs and water beds
Monday, August 16, 2010

Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. At night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside....

10:40 PM
Yhot legs and water beds
Monday, August 09, 2010

IM OLD. IM 19.

sigh the year passed by so fast. Last year my 18 was when trinity started and when I was beginning to settle down n all. Now its Uni already. Time is passing by all too fast :( and yeah sometimes i regret n wish tht i made better use of my life. Like now when i could be doing something more productive like study or smth but Im wasting my precious seconds away typing all these nonsensical thoughts down over here. This little space of mine tht i doubt gets read much anymore. But oh well, its more for my recalling for the future more than anything else. Hmmm uni has started, the first 2 weeks are up and I have been exhausted from jumping from one subject to another. My timetable keeps changing like nobody's business but Im finally gonna settle with my latest one. On the bright side, my mondays are off again! But the shit thing is tht tue I have 5 brain-killing hours consisting of 1tute and 4lectures :S sigh! tue-fri i start at 9am :S but fri i end by 11am since its only psych tute. Oh well, shall live with it since my weekends are pretty long and awesome :) but tht doesnt mean im free to slack like nobody's business :( assignments are already upon us like #$%^&*( urgh!

oh well my 19 was spent watching Inception (Y) and dinner with the gang! then jy zach n i stayed over @ kelly's with the supposed plan of watching Shutter Island but everyone except zach fell aslp. hehe. then the next day kels told her sis tht I wanted to drink so after touch rug they came to pick us back to their place. After dinner, abit of attempted studying n all we started drinking. It was the 6 of us (justin, zach, tyler, me, kels and her sis,py) We 6 finished a full bottle of Chivas in less than an hour's time thanks to justin's stupid poker game which killed me coz I kept having shit cards. I think i kinda drank like 1/2 th bottle la. After tht thre's when the puking started. But still they made me play Circle of Death after tht with me having a bucket to contain all my puke. It was the worst ever cause I have never puked like tht before. I have never ever drank so much before and have never puked before. They told me th next day tht I was surprised when I first started to puke. Hahah so many memories tht nite tho funny and embarrassing :S but treasured nonetheless as it will be a birthday I'd never forget. And the coming weekend will be another party coz I cant celebrate my 19th w/o clubbing and it got postponed as we are waiting for eugene's arrival :) so hopefully all goes as plan and on saturday we'll play laser tag and club!! :D that's all for now. its 10pm and i hope to do some reading b4 my tute tmr and then slp. I am getting old as Im feeling sleepy earlier and earlier :(

7:25 PM
Yhot legs and water beds


INTRO
L is for the way u LOOK at me
O is for the ONLY one I see
V is VERY VERY extraordinary
E is EVEN more than anyone that you can adore
Like a perfect scene From a movie screen We're a dream come true Suited perfectly For eternity Me and you Everyday, I need you even more And the night time too There's no way I could ever let you go Even if I wanted to

ME!

M-S-M
I(II)-N-A-T-M
Shopaholic
Piercings<3
Tattoos<3
*Might* fall into the materialist category



LOVES

Leather, Rosegold, Gold, Silver<3<3<3
Accessories Addict<3
Spiky, studded, sparkly goods
Bagaholic
Watch Collector
I live to eat<3


THE WANTS

To secure a stable job in the near future

<3


Y
MUSIC is LOVE







The EXITS

CLASS BLOG
Abel
Adlyn
Afiq
Afiqa
Agnes-NPS
Anna
Aisyah
Aliya
Alvin
Amir
Aqilah
Asraf
Athirah
Azizan
Azrina
Brina-NPS
Bryan
CherylLee
Chun Siang
Corrine-NPS
Dinah
Dinika-NPS
Doreen
Effa
Eric
Farah Adibah
Fiona Dona
Grace
HaiKAL
Hannah-NPS
Hazwani
Hidayah
Huda
Ikmaliah
Jacqueline
Jananii-NPS
Jeremy a.k.a YY's pig
Jiale
Jonathan
Kanika
KAT
Lillian-NPS
MATIIN
Nadiah
Nafeeshah
Ranjini
Sab((: -NPS
Salmah
SamChng
Samantha-NPS
Sarah-NPS
Shi Jun
Siangyee
SITI MARIAM
Sofiyah
Sufi
Sujie
Syafinah
Syatirah
Ulfahhh
YK
Zoe


Yr CRAP
get a cbox

DOWN THE LANE